July 6-2007
Back home in Canada! Restarting with Mia! What to do now? But I went on I always do.......Mia is my fight! I let go of God when God is the only thing I should have never let go of, I was so broken.
I talked to Arturo a few more times after I had left Costa Rica ~ I got a collect call after a few weeks of being home from him, I did not accept it! He was back on the streets of Costa Rica doing anything to find his next hit!
A few months had passed and I heard nothing from him or his family, soon after that I recieved an email from his niece saying that Arturo got in contact with them and was picked up wearing barely any clothes, barely alive! He was brought to a rehab center and I was left a phone number to phone him ~ I hesitated for some time! I finally made the call and just did not know what to say to him when he came on the phone, I had so much anger, pain and hate inside of me for him......but I loved him still! I started phoning him on a weekly basis, he did well in the center! Months passed and he was still there I asked for him to try to come out here and he said it was best for him to stay in the center and to complete the program ~ I understood that, I have always just felt like where do Mia and I fit into his life.....where? I stopped phoning him completely and tried to move on with my life, I got a few calls from him when he would have a weekend out of the center , filled with so much hurt I tried to forget about him! When he called me, he would beg me to give him just one more chance and I decided that if he was able to finish his program and stay out of the center working for a few months than I would go back to him.
He called me after one year of being in the center he was happy and I was happy for him, he got a job I was surprised that he got a job that fast! So we decided together that if I did not pass my entry test into college I would pack up and go back home to Costa Rica! Mia and him would talk on the phone ~ he phoned everyday, I saw he was being responsible , at christmas time he sent Mia a couple of hundred dollars things were changing ~ things were better! He encouraged my relationship with Christ and soon I was going to church again and life was getting better! I loved him Still!
February 2009 Arturo does not phone anymore, I call him and he tells me that his mom and him are entirely broke he is trying to move into a new house and get things ready for when Mia and I come! Ok I am understanding, I start phoning him when I have the money to buy phone cards! He phoned me 2 times this month for 5 min at a time! The thought does not even cross my mind that he might have relapsed ~ I trusted him! Again! I trusted him!
February 24-2009 I sign in on msn and Arturo's niece starts talking to me, we exchange pictures of her wedding and of my Mia! We get on the conversation of Arturo and I ask if she can call him and ask if he can call me, she seemed surprised that he isn't phoning and asks me if he still phones me....No........She asks why and I tell her Arturo says that they are really broke at the time........straight out she tells me he's lying, my grandma has money (Arturo's mom) I asked her is he on drugs again, but she did not know! I phoned Arturo the next day and told him I wanted to know what was going on he totally sounded fine, and thought nothing of it!
February 26-2009 Found out Arturo has relapsed! I sign into msn at 9 pm and Ale, Arturo's nephew says to me " Arturo is such an idiot" I ask him why and well he has been smoking crack for the last 2 weeks! Ouch! Hope lost! I think it was expected! Not knowing what to feel or think at the time! Just the night before he told me that he missed me and that if God just gave him one more chance he would show us how much he really loved us! Why lie about something like that! I said to him if Mia and I deserve anything from him ~ it's the truth, but promised me that everything was fine! Broken again! How many times can you break it before it shatters- the heart? After some time.....tears flooded my heart and my eyes and I cried, I could not fall asleep, All the memories swept through my mind of him and how and why he could have given up on us again! I looked at Mia-Bella as I layed beside her and could not IMAGINE not being able to see her everday, not being able to have her every night, not seeing her smile! She is my LIFE why can't she be his???
Back home in Canada! Restarting with Mia! What to do now? But I went on I always do.......Mia is my fight! I let go of God when God is the only thing I should have never let go of, I was so broken.
I talked to Arturo a few more times after I had left Costa Rica ~ I got a collect call after a few weeks of being home from him, I did not accept it! He was back on the streets of Costa Rica doing anything to find his next hit!
A few months had passed and I heard nothing from him or his family, soon after that I recieved an email from his niece saying that Arturo got in contact with them and was picked up wearing barely any clothes, barely alive! He was brought to a rehab center and I was left a phone number to phone him ~ I hesitated for some time! I finally made the call and just did not know what to say to him when he came on the phone, I had so much anger, pain and hate inside of me for him......but I loved him still! I started phoning him on a weekly basis, he did well in the center! Months passed and he was still there I asked for him to try to come out here and he said it was best for him to stay in the center and to complete the program ~ I understood that, I have always just felt like where do Mia and I fit into his life.....where? I stopped phoning him completely and tried to move on with my life, I got a few calls from him when he would have a weekend out of the center , filled with so much hurt I tried to forget about him! When he called me, he would beg me to give him just one more chance and I decided that if he was able to finish his program and stay out of the center working for a few months than I would go back to him.
He called me after one year of being in the center he was happy and I was happy for him, he got a job I was surprised that he got a job that fast! So we decided together that if I did not pass my entry test into college I would pack up and go back home to Costa Rica! Mia and him would talk on the phone ~ he phoned everyday, I saw he was being responsible , at christmas time he sent Mia a couple of hundred dollars things were changing ~ things were better! He encouraged my relationship with Christ and soon I was going to church again and life was getting better! I loved him Still!
February 2009 Arturo does not phone anymore, I call him and he tells me that his mom and him are entirely broke he is trying to move into a new house and get things ready for when Mia and I come! Ok I am understanding, I start phoning him when I have the money to buy phone cards! He phoned me 2 times this month for 5 min at a time! The thought does not even cross my mind that he might have relapsed ~ I trusted him! Again! I trusted him!
February 24-2009 I sign in on msn and Arturo's niece starts talking to me, we exchange pictures of her wedding and of my Mia! We get on the conversation of Arturo and I ask if she can call him and ask if he can call me, she seemed surprised that he isn't phoning and asks me if he still phones me....No........She asks why and I tell her Arturo says that they are really broke at the time........straight out she tells me he's lying, my grandma has money (Arturo's mom) I asked her is he on drugs again, but she did not know! I phoned Arturo the next day and told him I wanted to know what was going on he totally sounded fine, and thought nothing of it!
February 26-2009 Found out Arturo has relapsed! I sign into msn at 9 pm and Ale, Arturo's nephew says to me " Arturo is such an idiot" I ask him why and well he has been smoking crack for the last 2 weeks! Ouch! Hope lost! I think it was expected! Not knowing what to feel or think at the time! Just the night before he told me that he missed me and that if God just gave him one more chance he would show us how much he really loved us! Why lie about something like that! I said to him if Mia and I deserve anything from him ~ it's the truth, but promised me that everything was fine! Broken again! How many times can you break it before it shatters- the heart? After some time.....tears flooded my heart and my eyes and I cried, I could not fall asleep, All the memories swept through my mind of him and how and why he could have given up on us again! I looked at Mia-Bella as I layed beside her and could not IMAGINE not being able to see her everday, not being able to have her every night, not seeing her smile! She is my LIFE why can't she be his???
I am so sad for you. Your love for your daughter is amazing Mary. Your love for Arturo is amazing as well. As hard as it is to see him fall back, he needs to know that he is in your prayers and that you are encouraging him. Has he ever thought of getting out of there and moving out here? You could get him away from that. Sure its out here too but the expectation would be higher out here to stay clean and he wouldn't know anyone .... or would he???
ReplyDeleteI will pray for your family. God does GREAT things.