Broken!

Arturo the Love of my Life who gave me my Life ~ Mia-Bella!

July 12-2006 my life began! 2:45 pm I gave birth to my beautiful little girl, Mia-Bella Kadin Calderon! In the delivery room was my mom, I love her for that! I could recall during my pregnancy EVERYONE said I was going to have a boy ~ but I waited for my Mia-Bella! I had her name picked from the time that I first found out I was pregnant! I had my little girl and I will cherish her for all my life and take care of her the way God would have me do it!

(July 12-2006) Arturo-Still on drugs, so bad that he lives on the street and has been for the last few months already - sleeps on the street, doesn't eat, doesn't bathe~ My Arturo what happened to you?? There I held our daughter in my arms, seeing the perfection of Christ and he was getting high somewhere! God it hurt! But there I felt LOVE, Mia has brought LOVE to my life ~ a love only God knew I needed! Arturo found out a few days later that Mia had been born, I didn't phone him and waited for his call! About a month after Mia had been born Arturo went into a rehab center and there he stayed for 10 months and did well.

May 15-2007 Mia and I packed up and left for Costa Rica ---- Mia being 10 months old ~ first time seeing her Papi and his first time seeing her! I loved him still! He was the love of my life! We wanted to make everything right, we wanted no wrong in this chance God gave us to be a family, We got married the day I arrived..... was it a real wedding, NO but I signed a paper stating that I was married... I Loved him! Mia, Arturo and I lived with his mom for awhile and than with his brother! One day Arturo left not allowing me to go......he came back and was high~ What I felt at that moment was an over whelming sense of pain, helplessness, I had lost it again! I had lost him, mine and Mia's family, my husband and my daughters dad! God did it hurt, he grabbed me and hugged me and I fell to the ground and wept and all I heard were the words that had come so many times out of his mouth, "I promise I will never do it again!"

A few days later he was gone again! I had to leave! Mia means EVERYTHING for me! I asked for him to PLEASE just to try to be sobar untill Mia's first birthday, he could not even wait just a week and a half....I bought an early plain ticket back home, planned a early birthday party for her and left 5 days before her 1st year birthday! As I said bye to Arturo in the airport all I saw was uncaring, there was no love there anymore! My goodness he was supposed to be saying goodbye to his baby his daughter and he was so anxious to leave the airport to go get high that he did not even say bye to Mia! He gave me a quick hug and was gone! There I stood in line with my 1 year old and 3 luggages, broken inside, broken for Mia and felt broken as a family and felt like a failure!